Postpartum Rage: Why I Cringe When Someone Calls Me "Super Mom"
By Smitha Gudapakkam, Founder & Chief Executive Officer at Sakhee
A raw and honest reflection on postpartum rage, perfectionism, and learning to be present.
When someone calls me a "super mom," I cringe. Not because I'm modest or fishing for compliments, but because those two words carry so much invisible weight - weight that nearly broke me.
The "super mom" label felt like a prison sentence disguised as a compliment. It implied I should effortlessly juggle it all: the endless diaper changes, feeding schedules, doctor's appointments, and developmental milestones; the sleepless nights and early mornings; the emotional needs and physical care - all in those early months of motherhood. Every cry to soothe, every meal to prepare, every bath time, bedtime routine, and everything in between.
And then there was work. The pressure to prove myself as an excellent employee, to show that motherhood hadn't diminished my capabilities or commitment. The meetings I couldn't miss, the deadlines that didn't care about sleepless nights, the constant need to demonstrate I could "do it all." I was supposed to be fully present at work while my mind worried about my child, and fully present at home while my inbox filled with urgent messages. The work of motherhood is relentless, and the "super mom" myth suggests we should handle all of it - work, home, childcare, and everything else - with a smile on our faces.
In moments when I just wanted to sink into the couch and lose myself to a tv show, that title haunted me. Would a super mom do this?
The Explosion I Didn't See Coming
In my desperate attempt to live up to the "super mom" ideal, I put impossible pressure not just on myself, but on everyone around me. When family members couldn't meet those same unrealistic standards, resentment built like pressure in a kettle. And eventually, I exploded.
Later, I learned there was a name for what I experienced: postpartum rage.
The deep sadness and embarrassment that followed those explosive moments made me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I'd look at other mothers who seemed to navigate parenthood with such ease and grace, and I'd think, Something is wrong with me. I'm not a super mom - 'm not even a good mom.
Then I'd look into the eyes of my little sunshine, and she'd tell me, "You're the best mama." Instead of comfort, I felt shame. Here was this little person trying to lift me up while I, a grown woman, was falling apart. I should do better, I'd think. I should... I should...
Breaking Free from the "Should" Prison
The truth is, I don't want to be a super mom. I want to be a present mom.
I'm getting better at leaving the kitchen messy and the house disorganized. I'm learning to release the impossible standards and harsh judgments I impose on myself. Most importantly, I'm making a conscious effort to sit down and play with my daughter - to be fully there with her instead of mentally cataloging my to-do list. The only thing that I have control over is the present, and by being mindful in that moment, I have found more joy than ever before.
I'm a work in progress. I haven't figured it all out, but I recognize what needs to change, and I'm committed to the journey.
I used to say that guilt was my standard state. Now I'm working toward something different: a future where my default isn't anxiety and self-criticism, but presence. Where I can share moments of peace and joy with my family, friends, and myself.
To the Mothers Reading This
If you recognize yourself in these words, please know: you are not broken. You are not failing.
Postpartum rage is real, and it's more common than we talk about. The "super mom" myth isn't just unrealistic - it's harmful.
You don't have to carry the weight of perfection. You don't have to do it all, be it all, or have it all together.
What you need is support. What you deserve is grace - especially from yourself.
If you're struggling, please reach out. Whether it's to a trusted friend, a healthcare provider, or an organization like Sakhee Postpartum Support, help is available. Postpartum Support International also offers support groups specifically for postpartum rage and other maternal mental health challenges. You don't have to suffer in silence.
The world doesn't need more "super moms." It needs more real moms - mothers who are honest about their struggles, who aren’t afraid to ask for help, and who know that being present is infinitely more valuable than being perfect.
Resources for Support
If you're experiencing postpartum rage or other maternal mental health challenges, know that you're not alone. For resources and support, visit Sakhee Postpartum Support or speak with your healthcare provider.